Too broke, too busy, too cautious: Why young Kenyans are dodging marriage

Historically, in many African communities, it was an unspoken expectation that men would marry once they reached a certain age.

Today, however, that expectation is being challenged by shifting priorities rooted in personal growth, financial independence, and evolving societal norms.

Economic pressures and the perceived cost—both financial and emotional—of commitment are among the most cited reasons for the delay.

“For me personally, marriage is something one enters into when ready to embrace not just love, but the full weight of commitment,” says Carson, a 25-year-old entrepreneur based in Nairobi. “I’m still trying to build my own life before I can consider supporting someone else.”

Many young people are also prioritizing career advancement over settling down. Rita, 40, admits that despite her age, marriage is not yet on her radar.

“I don’t want to be in a marriage where I feel powerless because I have nothing of my own. Love alone isn’t enough,” she says. “I have to chase the bag first, establish my career, and only then think about building a family.”

Others cite societal expectations—particularly the pressure to project a certain lifestyle—as a factor in their decision to delay marriage.

“People often prioritize money over love to gain respect, especially on social media,” says Joan, 28, a Nairobi-based businesswoman. “There’s pressure to live in certain areas, drive specific cars, and maintain a lifestyle that looks good online.”

This desire for external validation can make long-term commitment less appealing, with some individuals opting to build wealth and status before considering a spouse.

For some, traditional gender roles within marriage remain unappealing.

“Marriage to me is like slavery,” says Emma, 25. “Once married, I’m expected to take care of the family, support my husband, raise kids, and manage the home. I’d lose myself in that life—I’d become nothing more than someone’s wife.”

Others admit to struggling with commitment or clarity about what they want in a partner.

“I’ve changed my type of woman five times this year,” says Marcus, 36, from Nairobi. “From gym lovers to soft-spoken ladies to financially stable women—my preferences are all over the place. I need to find consistency before I even think about marriage.”

Ghosting culture and casual relationships are also part of the dating landscape today, says Joan, 27.

“Men talk to you for three months, call you ‘babe,’ then disappear. How do you go from that to ‘for better or worse’? I need to survive the dating world first.”

Marriage, some say, requires patience and emotional maturity—qualities they are still working on.

“Marriage is about compromise,” says Sammy, 35, from Thika. “I’m still learning not to yell at a waiter when food delays. I admire calm people. I’m not there yet, and my future wife deserves someone patient.”

“Imagine explaining why you spent KSh 7,000 on shoes,” says Dennis, 29. “It sounds nice in theory, but in practice, I’m not ready to be questioned about my spending. I want to enjoy my money without guilt.”

Some, like Marita, a 34-year-old medical practitioner, say modern dating is too emotionally taxing.

“I’ve been ghosted, breadcrumbed, soft-launched—you name it. Dating feels exhausting. Before I walk down the aisle, I need to redefine what love means in today’s world.”

According to Roberta Bobbie, a Nairobi-based relationship coach at Love and Orgasms, the trend is less about apathy and more about intentionality.

“Young people aren’t avoiding marriage—they’re just more aware. They want to be prepared before taking that step,” she explains. “Many are wary of commitment because of the rising rates of divorce and emotional trauma surrounding modern relationships.”

Bobbie emphasizes that mental peace and financial stability are crucial foundations for marriage.

“Our parents and grandparents are now opening up about the realities of marriage. Many are advising their children to first establish careers and financial independence before settling down,” she says.

Ultimately, Bobbie argues, readiness should dictate the timing of marriage—not societal pressure.

“Marriage should be based on emotional connection, compatibility, and shared values,” she concludes. “There’s no shame in waiting. Take your time, grow as a person, and marry only when you’re truly ready.”