EXPLAINER: Sexual Grooming - How do you know your child is being sexually groomed?

Sexual grooming. The term may sound familiar, but do you know what it means? It’s the lead-up stage of child sexual abuse that offenders use to gain the trust and compliance of the child (and those around them) to establish secrecy and silence to avoid disclosure.

Victims of grooming usually have a hard time reporting further incidents due to the close nature of the relationship built with the groomer.

The issue of sexual grooming has come to the fore after a bombshell 4-year investigation by journalist Christine Mungai uncovered allegations of the grooming of teenage girls by a male teacher in a top Kenyan all-girls school.

The article contained testimonies of over two dozen old-girls giving their recollection of the troubling story.

The case is yet to be formerly settled in court, but this brings many to wonder, how can I stop this from happening to my child, sibling or friend?  

This is not a new phenomenon, unfortunately. 

If you remember the “In my prime” trend on TikTok, that is an example of what grooming would lead to, and it is an established fear that many children in boarding and even day schools could be at risk of grooming.

I spoke to two experts who gave me deeper insight into this matter. So, how would you know that your child is being groomed?

One, the child talks a lot about a particular adult or older child and wants to spend time with them alone. Two, they are in relationship with a much older person.

They are skipping school or extracurricular activities. They spend less time with their friends or change social circles suddenly.

The child isolates from you and doesn’t want to talk about what they’ve been doing or tell you about their day.

They are also inclined to spend more time alone in their room and have unexplained gifts and never wants to tell you where they got them.

In extreme cases, the child might be influenced into drug use and underage drinking. They would also possess an understanding of sex that is not age appropriate.

Grooming may occur online or in person.

Perpetrators may seek out children who trust adults easily, lack self esteem, are lonely, have an intellectual impairment or are not close to their families.

Grooming can affect the child even for a lifetime with victims reporting having difficulty sleeping, suffering from anxiety and poor concentration, eating disorders, self harm and even falling pregnant.

Any cases of grooming should be reported with urgency in order to protect the children and keep them from further harm.