BOOK REVIEW: 'Everything happens for a reason and other lies I have loved' - of flaws in prosperity gospel

This is the aspect Kate Bowler delves into in her book 'Everything happens for a reason and other lies I have loved'.

The book, which is a New York Times best seller, centers around the shift in Bowler's life and beliefs after being diagnosed with cancer at the age of 35. Having studied divinity, she was at a crossroads in her life, trying to cling onto hope while at the same time being confronted with the realities of the disease.

By the end of the book, Bowler has outlasted the 2 year prognosis given and is in the fourth year post-diagnosis. 

Although the book doesn't delve much into the nitty gritty of the physical anguish of what living day to day with Stage 4 cancer is about - it does give bits and pieces of the emotional pain that comes with it. Bowler manages to put sprinkles of humour which cut through some of the difficult parts of living with disease.

The diagnosis came at a time when her son was a small baby after the couple had struggled to get a child and they thought life was just starting to go well.

Bowler talks of having had medical problems before - her arm had a problem that doctors could not properly diagnose and the misdiagnosis ranged from some medics blaming her weight and 'overindulgence in yoga' to another putting it down to a 'mental illness' and anxiety that could be making her imagine the problem. The issue was finally sorted by an unlikely source.

After her arm problem was dealt with, Bowler secured a book publishing deal and got pregnant and her church community pinned it down to favour and grace.

However her world turned upside down with the cancer diagnosis and she found herself questioning all she thought she knew about God's goodness. She wrote, "To believers in the prosperity gospel, surrender sounds like defeat. They write books with titles like Deal with It! to remind readers that there is nothing so

difficult that God cannot accomplish it, and that you, sir or ma’am, had better get

cracking. There are no setbacks, just setups."

The book  makes a lot of reference to Bowler's academic background in divinity to pose critical questions on faith and Christianity while giving tidbits of her process in seeking treatment.

The appendix offers a good guide on how to handle someone going through a life altering situation - be it chronic illness, or any other serious condition. The 'absolutely never say this to people experiencing terrible times short list' includes: "Well, at least...", which is what she calls minimising someone's problem. Another phrase to avoid is: "It's going to get better, I promise", which she says presupposes you are a fairy godmother and will be hard to live up to when things go sideways. Yet another phrase to steer clear from is: "God needed an angel ", which she says "makes God look sadistic and needy".

Bowler also goes on to write about what to say and do for someone going through a life altering situation. One of the things she notes is the appropriateness of silence. She says sometimes it's good to 'show up and shut up'.

The book also speaks to the lack of compassion human beings can sometimes have. Bowler said that with the sense of urgency created by the diagnosis, she started doing, among other things, organising how her belongings such as books would be handled once she was gone and writing. She one time wrote an article and sent it to the New York Times without thinking much about it. She spoke of the fear she felt with the diagnosis. The article was published and thereafter, a flurry of mail was sent to her by people dealing with problems - some the same disease, others other problems. She said it surprised her how compassion was 'served by the teaspoon '. She spoke of one person writing to her something to the effect: 'you think you've got it bad... Hear this'. Another wrote to her saying he hoped she would have a 'Job experience ', to which Bowler writes, "I can’t think of anything worse to wish on someone. God allowed Satan to rob Job of

everything, including his children’s lives. Do I need to lose something more to learn God’s character?"

The book also brought out the financial toxicity that comes with dealing with a disease like cancer. 

It had been recommended that Bowler take part in a new treatment trial, but it was estimated that she would need an equivalent of about Ksh14 million. She tried figuring out how to raise the money, but she couldn't and insurance was not willing to foot the bill. Bowler writes about making as many calls as possible but ending up nowhere, then her parents told her they had enough liquid assets to foot the bill. As much as she was grateful to have such loving parents, she was livid that disease was not only hurting her physically and her parents emotionally, it was going to dent what her parents had worked hard for and rob them of a decent retirement as they put up their home as collateral. 

At this point she made calls to two senior faculty professor friends to see if they could pull strings and get her into the trial and sure enough they were able to. 

The theme of good friends - a friend in need is a friend indeed - also comes out in the book. In addition to the faculty friends who came through for her, Bowler spoke of friends who did all they could to walk the journey with her.

Overall, the book gives an interesting perspective of the place of faith when faced with life altering situations as well as giving dos and don'ts on how to handle interaction with a person in the situation. The book sort of ends abruptly though and doesn't give an in-depth account of dealing with chronic illness.

Rating: 3/5