How to argue with a woman and win

Arguing with a woman, especially one you are in love with is outright ugly and dirty just like the trench warfare. This is largely because women are innately wired with an uncanny ability to win arguments.

Anything you say in defense can and will be used against you. Logic and facts have no place in emotion-charged arguments. The following are 7 tips on how to argue with a woman and actually win:

1)    Use her words against her

When your lady begins spitting venom listen to her very carefully. Blinded with anger, she is bound to call you all sorts of names. Thank God if she calls you a monkey! It may not ruffle your feathers at all but it’s still a silver bullet you should never waste.

“Did you just call me a monkey? Do I look like a monkey? Are you insinuating I stink like a monkey? Did you just compare my IQ to that of a lice infested primate?” you should ask.

Make a mountain out of whatever name she calls and ignore any efforts to drift the argument back to the contentious issues till she gives up on it all together.

2)    Guilty trip her

Women are emotional beings, and they have a sensitive conscience. Use that to your advantage. If she storms into the room frothing with anger, sit back and let her shout herself hoarse.

When she gives you an opportunity to respond, put on a sad face, force some moisture into your eyes while looking deep into hers. With a low-pitched voice tell her how much love her, adding that all you ever wanted is to make her happy.

This is the time you chant all the good virtues she possesses, how she is a blessing to you, how wicked you are that you completely don’t deserve her.

Then sincerely convince her how scared you are of losing such an angel that just the thought of it gives you sleepless nights. Unless she is a descendant of Jezebel, her protective instinct will kick in and she will forget what she was angry about.

3)    Acknowledge your mistakes

Sometimes the smartest thing is to lose the argument only to win back her affection.

Women want to feel unique and feel respected. The emphasis here is on feel. You don’t need to actually listen to her rants but you have to make her feel like she has your full attention.

Whatever she accuses you of simply reply with: “Babe I’m so sorry… You are absolutely right! What can I possibly do to make it right?”

Acknowledge your mistakes only when you realize losing the argument is inevitable. This gives you a chance to lose gracefully, plus you get to have a delicious meal and someone to warm your bed as a consolation.

4)    Deflate her rage with tenderness

There are times when you just don’t have the energy to argue yet there she is, convinced you are the sole cause of global warming.

The trick is to deflate her rage. Spin around or pull her close and hug tightly, remember this only works if you catch her unawares.

Whispering into her ear, remind her of your happy times together, how smitten you were when you first laid eyes on her and how she is the greatest thing that has ever happened to you.

Does she like it when you kiss her neck while hugging from behind? Good, do that and in a few minutes her rage would be completely deflated.

5)    Fight back with trivial and disjointed arguments

Going head-to-head with a lady only works if you can speak faster than Busta Rhymes, otherwise you are bound to lose.

As she castigates you for whatever you supposedly did, shoot back with trivial arguments like how she smudged your favourite white shirt with her lipstick. Remind her about the time she deleted a very important document on your computer forcing you to trans-night on that all important work project.

Since most of these accusations may not be entirely true don’t give her a chance to respond. Never stop talking until she gives up arguing.

When she gets exhausted if the back and forth, offer to end the argument by saying, “Look babe, what matters is that I love you and that I want to be with you. All I want is for us to work together and solve our differences. I’ll forgive you if you forgive me.” 

Just like that, you will have wiggled yourself out of a tight situation.

6)    Silent treatment

Silence is a weapon women use to get things done their way, and it is about time we do the same.

When she starts an argument sit back and stare at her blankly, don’t flinch even when she digs into your atrocious past or hits below the belt.

When she is done ranting expecting you to fight back, get up and leave without uttering a single word. Go hang out with the boys and switch off your phone. When her anger subsidizes, she will start worrying where you are. When she replays the argument in her head, she’ll wonder why you didn’t fight back. Sooner or later it will get to her, and when it does there is a higher likelihood of her calling and texting to apologize. Sometimes you win the argument by refusing to participate.

7)    Run at the sight of the waterworks

When a woman feels like she is about to lose an argument, she unleashes her ultimate weapon: tears. They could be well rehearsed crocodile tears, but their effect is still the same. Nothing melts a man’s resolve faster than a woman’s tears.

So once you realise she is about to turn on the waterworks, you have to make a quick decision. Will you apologize solemnly, or will you run for the hills? The choice is yours.