How to deal with in-laws and avoid conflicts

For many a married couple, navigating the relationship with in-laws is a delicate balance, which if not managed well, can have negative spillover effects on their union. 

Mary Jafihda (not her real name) narrated to Wananchi Reporting about her experience: 

The honeymoon period of our marriage was a confusing season of our lives. His cousins and parents would come over and stay for as long as two weeks, I felt like we did not have our personal space since we were in a two bedroom apartment. Whenever we had an argument, he would confide in his mother, I felt like it was too much since we could have just discussed it privately, because when we involve a third party who is definitely on his side, the reasoning would not be objective.

Relatives were also having a negative impact on our finances since we were also responsible for what everyone would eat. 

Not all couples have issues with their in-laws. In the case of Mary (not her real name) she said she gets along with them just fine. However, not everything is rosy in Mary’s case. She said the problem with some relatives is that they would come over unannounced and “I felt like I did not spend quality time with my husband”. 

“I had to tell him that we were married and he needs to set a boundary with his family and understand that he needs to consider my feelings. It would be okay sometimes but not frequently.” 

When one is married, it is important to strike a balance between not cutting off extended family and maintaining a healthy boundary and consider your partner's feelings. 

Here are some tips on how to relate with in-laws. 

01) Have healthy boundaries. 

02) Have a respectful approach. 

03) Be intentional in building a friendship. This will enable you to create a relationship. 

04) Take initiative to engage them. 

05) Bring presumptions to the surface. 

06) Avoid having too much pride and ego. 

07) Do not compromise too much to seek approval. 

08) Speak highly of your spouse. 

09) Beware of criticism. 

10) Be considerate of their traditions.