'I got into a relationship with a mubaba to fund my lifestyle and I regret it': Campus student speaks

Some call them ‘mubaba’, others call them ‘sugar daddies’ or 'sponsors' while others have coined the name ‘blessers’, borrowed from the social media trend of young women, posting photos of living lavish lifestyles – funded by older men - with the hashtag blessed.

As a young campus student, in the face of tough economic times, it becomes a matter of survival for the fittest.

Agnes* spoke to Wananchi Reporting about what led her to get into a relationship with an older man who took up paying her bills for a short stint of five months and how the liaison almost led her into depression.

As a young girl who had just joined campus and was ready to experience all the excitement campus life had to offer after hearing stories from those who had gone before her, Agnes nearly lost focus on what she went to do; study.

“My friends would tell me about their experiences, some of which I found fun and others that I found crazy and extreme, nonetheless, I was still very excited to get to try that away from the constant watch of my parents. By the time the first week ended, I had gotten a taste of that kind of life and I enjoyed it,” she said.

“After the first day, I got more and more drawn into that kind of lifestyle (partying), I got better and better in the game every time, sometimes I could even host the parties at my place. The lifestyle however became such a huge burden as it was forcing me to live above my means as my parents could only afford to send me what was enough for food.”

These pressures are what Agnes said drove her to get into a relationship with a ‘mubaba’. Unbeknownst to her, the relationship led her down a path that was counterproductive.

“During one of the parties, I was approached by a man, quite old, but who coincidentally had just what I needed at the moment. He offered to buy me drinks that night. I left him with my number. From there it was all about meet-ups and money being deposited in my account. I hid this information from my friends because I knew that it would not make sense to them as much as it did to me.”

The aftermath of such transactional relationship usually differs from person to person; some have ended up with sexually transmitted infections (STIs), others have gotten unwanted pregnancies, while others have suffered emotional and physical abuse at the hands of their ‘blessers’.

However, some say they have no regrets after getting to live the lifestyles they wanted.

Agnes recalls experiencing a deterioration in her performance at college after she started relating with the older man sponsoring her lifestyle.

“The way I was living no longer made sense. I started drifting away from the things that mattered and that was how things started going downhill. It was a situation that seemed appealing at the point but that ended up nearly taking away my sanity, I can tell you for sure that there’s not a single day that goes by without me regretting my actions and thinking about what impact those 5 months could have caused, If I was given a chance to go back and change the situation I would definitely take it without second thought,” she said.

Agnes says she has had to seek counseling and retrace her steps back to Christianity as a mechanism to cope with what she was experiencing. She is in a better place mentally.

Agnes says it has not been easy because, despite her efforts to avoid falling into the trap of dating older men again, they have still been approaching her.

“My healing journey is even harder because as much as I kept avoiding the situation, I kept getting messages. They would start out sweet but soon I’d find out their intention of starting a romantic relationship,” she said.