Signs your relatives are toxic and what to do about it

We relate with relatives based on the relationship that we have. While some relatives can be good, others can be toxic.

Andi Wambui (not her real name) spoke to Wananchi Reporting about her experience with toxic relatives:

Growing up, I was close with some of my cousins, aunties and uncles majorly from my dad's side since we would often visit them on Christmas. 

It was closer than my maternal grandmother's house. There's this particular aunty whom I did not really like because she never lacked something to criticize me about, whether it was my long nails, coloured hair, tattoo and piercings, weight loss or dress code. 

I did not need anyone to approve my dressing, as long as my parents were okay with it. 

My dad's family did not have the best relationship, they had fights among them because my dad was the most successful sibling and they were jealous about it because he would always get praises and recognition. 

My dad knew that not everyone in that homestead wished him well and was cautious around them.  

I couldn't wait for the day to end and we finally go back home after family gatherings - the chores were overwhelming, I did not understand the essence of inviting people to dine together, yet there was just hatred and pretense. 

I had a lukewarm relationship with my cousins because we did not get much time together to bond and know each other well. 

After that Christmas in 2018, we went back home and that was when everything began to fall apart. 

My dad had liver cirrhosis and it was getting worse by the day; he had to stop working for a while, my mother  was a business woman and she had various sources of income so she took up the responsibility to take care of everything when my father was in hospital. 

I could see the fear I'm her eyes as she tried to assure us that everything was okay, but I knew that deep down she did not even believe her words. 

We used to take flowers and my dad's favourite meal anytime we went to visit. He assured us of his love and he would try to make us know that he is still going to be there for us. 

However, at the beginning of the year 2019 on one morning, my mum summoned me to her bedroom. 

When I looked at her eyes, I could tell that she did not sleep, I immediately knew that this was the day and I could tell her next words, she told me that my father passed away the previous night. And for a moment, it was all unreal, I had to be strong for her but at the same time, my heart was bleeding.

We began preparations for the burial.

Friends and family would come over to support us.

One day during that period, my aunt stormed into our compound and began to demand for my dad's property. 

The visitors who were there tried to stop them but they did not back down.

They came into the house and took some things and threatened to come back. 

It was chaos, I went back to the house and I hugged my mother tightly and we sobbed. 

This interrupted the burial planning since we did not know their next move. 

Later on, relatives said that they wanted the body to be buried at a site against what his final wishes were.

 My mother decided to go the legal way. 

I couldn't imagine how my father would have felt to see us in that pain.

After all they put my mother and I through, I have hated my paternal relatives.

Psychologists advise that it is important to maintain a healthy balance when dealing with relatives.

It is important to put your well-being first and avoid constant contact with toxic relatives unless when necessary.