The invisible burden of being a first born child

Call them “the lucky ones”—the first to be born, the trailblazers, the dreamers.

But beneath that label lies a heavy silence, a quiet suffering that often goes unnoticed.

For many first-borns, life begins not with freedom or innocence, but with sacrifice and silent pain.

Rael Ouma was only eight years old when her childhood quietly slipped away.

Her father had passed, leaving a void that seemed impossible to fill.

With her mother working long, exhausting hours to make ends meet, Rael was suddenly thrust into a role no child should bear: “deputy parent.”

While children her age played outside, she was busily managing the household—cooking, cleaning, making decisions that should have belonged to adults.

“I don’t really live,” she confesses softly. “I just survive. I dress to hide nakedness—not because I like what I wear. My dreams? They were pushed aside long ago. But I had no choice. I had to be strong.”

Her story echoes in many homes across Kenya and beyond.

First-born children are often the silent anchors of their families, expected to lead, provide, and protect—without complaint or acknowledgment.

Their shoulders carry burdens too heavy for their young frames.

Benson Muisyo, now a young man, understands this weight all too well.

As the eldest sibling, he feels a relentless responsibility to change his family’s story.

He works tirelessly to ensure his brothers and sisters go to school, to support them when life’s storms strike, to build a future his parents couldn’t give.

“I feel like I’m holding the weight of my own dreams in one hand, and my family’s needs in the other,” Benson admits, his voice tinged with exhaustion. “Sometimes it feels like I’m losing myself in the process.”

Psychologist Isaac Maweu explains that this silent burden leaves deep emotional scars.

“Most first-borns suffer in silence,” he says. “They grow up believing their needs don’t matter, that their feelings are secondary. Over time, they forget who they are.”

This emotional neglect isn’t just a fleeting pain—it can lead to anxiety, depression, and a pervasive sense of low self-worth.

Many first-borns live in a constant state of survival, forever striving to meet expectations that are often impossible to fulfil.

Asking for help feels like failure, so they carry their burdens alone, their silent suffering hidden behind smiles and sacrifices.

Maweu offers a vital message to families: “Set healthy boundaries. Listen more. Talk openly about expectations. And for first-borns, learn that it’s okay to say no—to prioritize your own well-being before you burn out.”

Because behind the title of “the lucky one” lies a quiet, unspoken pain—an invisible weight that first-borns carry every day, often alone.