Tough times for young single mothers in Nairobi

Gathu Wanjira is a young single mother of two children. She works as a nurse at a hospital in Nairobi. 

Despite having a job – she says it’s tough trying to live through the tough economic times as a single mother.

“It has not been easy for me because I am the sole provider; the father and the mother of my children,” she told Wananchi Reporting.

“I have to deal with long and irregular shifts. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the demands of my job and my young family,” she says.

 “I worry about how to provide for my children, how to keep them safe and healthy, and love them,” she adds.

“I also struggle with loneliness and guilt, as I don’t have much time or energy for myself or for dating.

“I know that being a single parent is not easy, but I also know that I am not alone. There are many other single mothers out there who face similar challenges, and who can offer me support and advice,” she says.

Wanjira says she has learned to seek help from her family and friends whenever she needs a shoulder.

“Sometime I just need someone to babysit, or run errands, or to lend me a listening ear. I also join online or offline support groups for single parents, where I can share my experiences and learn from others.”

Milka Akinyi* is a single mother of five children – with three different fathers. She, however, refuses to discuss how she ended up getting five children with three men – she says ‘it’s complicated’. Milka is in her 30s.

“I had my first child while still in primary school. I was only a little girl,” she says – adding that she dropped out of school – and never stepped foot into secondary school.

She currently works in Nairobi as a house help – and earns Ksh7,000 monthly.

She also does occasional side hustles – like doing laundry for some of the neighbours – but only when her employer is not looking.

“The money I earn is not enough to cater for all my needs,” she says.

Like Wanjira, she gets a lot of help from her mother and siblings.

Both Wanjira and Milka agree that it’s not really easy being a young single mother in Nairobi.

“I have learned to set realistic and flexible goals for myself and my two children. I don’t expect myself to be perfect, and I don’t compare myself to other parents. I focus on what I can do,” says Wanjira.

“I don’t beat myself up for making mistakes. I try to keep myself busy with hobbies and activities that I enjoy like reading, gardening, or dancing,” says Wanjira.

As for Milka – she knows she has to recalibrate to survive the tough economic times.

“I have taken all my children to the village. They are there with my parents and attending school,” she says – noting that life in the village is not as ruthless as in the city.

The two stories paint a pictures of what many young single mothers could be going through.

In 2019, The Kenya National Bureau of Statistics (KNBS) in a report noted that singles are the most empowered women in the country. KNBS described empowerment largely as the ability to make choices.

But even with this ability to make choices, the singles are finding it difficult to navigate the tough economic times.

In an earlier its inaugural index on women empowerment, the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics compared single women, with those in monogamous and polygamous marriages and widows. 

The rate of empowerment was found to be highest among unmarried women (37 per cent), but drops to 27 per cent when they tie the knot or begin cohabiting with a man.

Divorced women fared badly at 27 per cent.

Truth is that most young, single mothers are often left with the sole burden of having to raise children – alone.

“It’s never easy. Many young single women I know are having it rough now, especially those that don’t have jobs and are in Nairobi,” says Milka.

Different circumstances could lead to young women being single; it could be by choice, divorce, death of a partner, or just ‘anything’.

According to Faith Njehia, a marriage counselor, many people are leading active lives as single women or parents.

“I know for instance that a divorce or separation can be very stressful and painful, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and healing,” says Njehia.

Adding that: “One needs to process their grief, anger, guilt, and fear, and to move on from their past – and plan the future and how to deal with the legal, financial, and social issues that may arise.”

Ann Wambui, a psychologist, says that young single mothers should learn to take charge of their lives.

"As a psychologist I work with individuals, who are single, and experiencing stress, anxiety, depression and other mental health issues,” says Wambui.

“Single women, and men, need to be provided with a safe and supportive environment, where they can talk openly and honestly about their struggles.”

Adding that: “Young, single parents should be encouraged to express their emotions and feelings.”

“One should take charge of their own mental health to improve their quality of life. This will help them identify and build on their strengths, and to overcome their challenges and even weaknesses.”

Lastly, she says that young and single women should learn to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and seek social support where needed.