Why Kenyan university students are choosing to cohabit

Several university students have taken the route of cohabiting for varied reasons. 

However, with it comes, assumed roles which sometimes are not fulfilled, leading to problems in relationships.

“I cannot perform wifely duties on a girlfriend budget,” said Linda Chepkoech, a fourth year student at Moi University. 

“Cohabiting will help you understand your partner better. It is the best way of courting,” said Marion Akinyi, also a fourth year student at the same university. 

Cohabiting is where two people who are in a relationship live together without having legally married. Among comrades (university and college students) there is growing trend of opting out of university hostels for different reasons. Some find it more comfortable to have their own space, free from the restrictions and rules of university accommodation. Others see it as a way to have more independence and control over their living environment.

 As non-residential students, some prefer to live alone, enjoying the solitude and freedom that comes with it. On the other hand, there are those who decide to move in with their friends to share bills and expenses.

The trend of living together and sharing bills has gained momentum in many higher learning institutions. While some students support the idea of cohabiting, others hold opposing views and see it as a form of 'come we stay' marriage. The concept of performing “wifely or husband duties” while still in school is a concern for some, as it may blur the lines between a committed relationship and the responsibilities typically associated with marriage.

Linda Chepkoech, a student, shares her perspective about cohabiting. “It is doing wifely and husband duties while you are still young. Imagine cleaning your boyfriend’s clothes while he is resting or even gaming with his friends. I cannot perform wifely duties on a girlfriend’s budget,” she said.

 Mauren, another student, expresses her reservations about cohabiting, emphasizing the unintended consequences of handling matters associated with marriage at a young age.

“While you live together as a couple, you will always find yourself handling marital issues. As a result, you will get bored of each other and it will not last long. It also limits and restricts you as a young person who should be knowing other people. It is good to interact freely and understand what you want from a relationship. I do not support living together with my partner,” she said. 

Ezekiel Mumo, also opposes cohabiting. “Cohabiting leads to loss of respect to some extent. While you cost share, it does not give you the respect as a man in a relationship and it might be an issue in the future when you end up together. It also diverts one’s attention from studies. Students should not cohabit, let everyone live in their own space,” he said. 

“I have been living with my boyfriend for two years and I cannot advise any one to cohabit. It is draining and causes a lot of unnecessary stress. It also disconnects you from your friends and peers as you try to act as a married person,” Sandra Winnie a third year student shared.

However, cohabiting is a good way of knowing each other according to some students. 

Marion Akinyi, who lives with her partner, shared. “I support cohabiting since it gives the opportunity of knowing each other better. It helps me know my partner better. His character and values. What he stands for and how he organizes himself. It is a better way of courting and knowing each other better so that when we marry, I know what I am getting myself into,” she said.

Paul Njomo also shared his support for cohabiting. According to him, cohabiting leads to growing together as a couple and helping each other. “Your partner understands you better, so instead of living with a friend to cost share, you can do it with them. I have been living with my girlfriend for two years and it is amazing. The bond is growing stronger and we are helping each other financially, emotionally and even career wise,” he said.

For Alisha*, cohabiting was never a willing decision. It was a way of surviving, she cohabited with her boyfriend in order to survive. She ended up with a baby in her third year.

 “Life was hard and my parents were not able to keep me in school, I met this guy who was ready to take me in and I thought God sent me a guardian angel. I got pregnant after six months of living together and things became worse. We are now parents and students at the same time. Trying to balance and it is not easy. I cannot advise any student to cohabit,” she said. 

Ultimately, the decision to cohabit or not is a personal one, influenced by individual values, beliefs, and circumstances.