Why your 'tall' relatives and friends are not connecting you to your dream job

In many societies, especially those where community ties run deep, there’s an unspoken expectation that those who’ve “made it” should lift others as they climb.

This expectation becomes even more pronounced when it comes to relatives and close friends who hold big titles-CEOs, directors, government officials, or senior managers.

These are the “tall” ones in our lives- not because of physical height, but because of the stature and influence they command. Yet, despite their high places, many of them don’t seem to be connecting others to dream jobs. Why?

First, it’s important to understand that influence doesn't always translate into action.

Just because someone has a title or sits in an important boardroom doesn’t mean they are in a position or even willing to make career-changing moves for others.

Many of these “tall” individuals have had to navigate competitive environments, protect their reputations, and maintain a delicate balance of professionalism and loyalty.

Recommending someone, even a relative, for a position can feel like a personal risk.

If you fail to perform, it reflects on them. And in a cutthroat world, one misstep could have real consequences for their credibility.

Second, you may not be on their radar in the way you think. People in high positions are often extremely busy and under immense pressure. Their daily schedules are consumed by board meetings, strategic decisions, crises to manage, and endless emails.

While you may be silently hoping they notice your job search struggles, they may not even know you’re looking or that you’re serious about a particular career path.

Many people assume their influential relatives will simply “think of them” when the right opportunity comes up, but that’s rarely how things work. Silence often gets you sidelined.

Another reason is what can be called the “I struggled, so should you” mindset.

Some people in positions of influence believe they earned their success through grit, sacrifice, and perseverance, without handouts. As a result, they might feel others should do the same.

They might view helping you as weakening your drive or making you dependent.

It’s a flawed line of thinking, but a real one. In such cases, they aren’t ignoring you out of malice but they genuinely believe that staying out of your way is the best way to support you.

In some situations, family dynamics complicate things. There could be unspoken tensions, unresolved issues, or a simple lack of closeness. An uncle who’s a managing director at a bank might not feel obligated to help a nephew he only sees during weddings.

A former schoolmate who climbed into a top government post might feel distant from old ties, especially if you haven’t maintained a meaningful relationship over the years. Connections require cultivation; proximity alone doesn't guarantee support.

It's also possible that they’ve tried helping others in the past and it backfired.

Maybe they once vouched for someone who embarrassed them, showed up late to interviews, or underperformed at work. That experience might have made them cautious if not completely reluctant to open doors for anyone else. One bad referral can create years of hesitation.

But perhaps the most important reason is that even powerful people don’t always have the kind of influence we imagine. They might be decision-makers in one area, but completely powerless in another. A high-ranking official in the Ministry of Agriculture might have no sway in a tech startup.

A corporate leader might be tied by strict recruitment policies or corporate governance codes. Their hands aren’t as free as we often think.

So, if you’re wondering why your tall, well-placed relatives or friends haven’t connected you to your dream job, consider this: their inaction might not stem from ill will. It might be about timing, context, caution, or simple oversight. Instead of waiting for a favor, focus on building your own brand. Reach out clearly, professionally, and respectfully.

Let them know what you’re looking for, and how specifically they can help. Sometimes all it takes is a well-timed nudge- not entitlement, but initiative.

In the end, your dream job is still your journey. Tall people can open doors, but it’s up to you to walk through and prove you belong.