Why people keep secrets from their partners; Is it healthy?

While some people believe they need to keep secrets in order to be happy in a relationship, others believe in being an open book to their partners. 

According to relationships podcaster Roberta Bobbie being honest with all aspects of your life is healthy vulnerability in a relationship. 

In a conversation on Citizen TV, she noted that keeping secrets can easily ruin a relationship especially where there is no proper communication.

“Men reach out to me more than ever, especially about sexual matters like not being able to rise to the occasion. Most of them say they cannot engage their partners because they are scared of being judged,” she said. 

Life Coach CJ Atemo, noted that many people keep secrets as they only want to show their strong side. The first impression you create will sometimes become the soft heels that you will carry through a relationship.

“If I first showed I was strong and all together, how do I bring in the element of weakness, and what point do you bring in this person who has everything under wrap to a person who has things that they are struggling with. Moving that conversation is not the easiest thing, because it is aid you don’t get a second chance at the first impression, so you will probably have carried that for about two years in the relationship, before you get to a place where you feel it’s time to bring stuff up because the burden will be heavy,” said Atemo. 

He notes that while it is normal for couples to feel embarrassed to open up on certain topics to avoid appearing weak, being vulnerable goes a long way and can be freeing of guilt and shame in most cases. Couples need to be open and honest with each other if they want to build trust and maintain healthy communication.

“Some ladies do not want to communicate because they don't want to injure the ego of the man, they are also afraid that the man will become insecure and ask where did you learn that who have you been doing it with so sometimes, they want to protect their image. It’s important to create a safe space for proper communication,” he said.