‘I have buried 10 babies,’ Margaret Wanjohi opens up on pregnancy loss

She has had multiple miscarriages and has endured the agony of burying ten of her babies over the years.

Margaret married young, and life threw her unexpected curve balls at every turn. Her first pregnancy was ectopic, which resulted in the loss of both the pregnancy and the fallopian tube.

Then she tried again and became pregnant.

Her child, however, had Omphalocele, also known as exomphalos. It is a birth defect of the abdominal (belly) wall.

The infant's intestines, liver, or other organs protrude from the belly button. The organs are surrounded by a thin, nearly transparent sac that is rarely opened or broken.

"We were hospitalized for three months, I remember there was no single day I slept properly, I had to be alert, it was a huge challenge. Eventually, the lungs were infected and the kidneys failed, doctors gave us only five months. My baby weighed 3.2 kgs at birth but weighed 700 grams, when we lost our firstborn, I was in pain but felt relieved too, like some weight had been taken off me," she recalled.

This was followed by a series of stillbirths and premature births. Margaret recalls her husband and mother-in-law being supportive of her in the beginning.

Margaret cried almost every day; she recalls days when she was consumed by sadness and rage, mostly rendered mute by the weight of her anguish.

"I did not want to get pregnant anymore, the maddening grief I experienced placed a sheen of dread on the surface of everything I felt and thought I knew.

"While I didn't blame myself for the previous loss, there was that niggling thought that maybe there was something wrong with me," she said.

"I was married and we wanted a child of our own and there are expectations from the society and the family. Eventually, I got pregnant again twice and lost both, the first at 3 months and the latter at 4 months. I did not give up and I got pregnant again. The doctors knowing my medical history put me on bed rest, eventually, I got the baby but died after one week," she added.

The heaviest burden of losing children rested on her shoulders; it was a taboo and a bad omen for the family.

Eventually, she was left alone to deal with an issue shrouded in shame and silence, and was left to navigate the uncharted emotional and physical rollercoaster by herself.

"We lost another baby and, during the burial, I was warned that I should find another place to bury my dead babies and that I would not be allowed to turn their farm into a cemetery. Perhaps, that was my lowest moment, being rejected by my family for something I had no control over," she said.

According to Margaret, subliminal messaging all around told her that miscarriage must be something to be blamed for.

Even the term "miscarriage" implies an error: did the birth parent miscarry the baby? She notes that the pain of losing multiple children is compounded by the struggle one has to go through to even get pregnant. 

"The reality is that while miscarriage happens a lot, successful pregnancies are far more common. We should talk about that instead of the chance of loss. Out of 12 pregnancies, I have two healthy babies, I am blessed. If I had given up after losing the first several pregnancies and a four-month baby I would be childless today. No matter how hard it may seem, do not give up," she said.