Who is a narcissist? Here is what causes the behavior and why we should stop labelling people

But was he/she a narcissist? Who is a narcissist? What does it mean to be a narcissist?

Labelling someone a narcissist has become more common in recent years especially on social media platforms. 

Dr James Mbugua, a Lecturer in Counseling Psychology at Africa Nazarene University notes that most people tend to fall into the temptation and label their ex partners narcissist using armchair diagnosis to explain what went wrong in the relationship.

“To give anyone a label even for me as a psychologist I must have taken them through some assessment. People just go online and search for the aspect of narcissist personalities and tendencies and out of the blue labels someone narcissistic,” he explained.

“Narcissism falls under tendencies and disorder. Not every narcissist has Narcissistic Personality Disorder but can have certain behaviours and traits that portray narcissism,” says Mbugua. 

According to the pyschologist, the diagnostic definition of narcissistic personality disorder describes an individual with impairments related to identity, self-direction and empathy. They have an exaggerated sense of importance of one’s own achievements and talents and also a lack of empathy or remorse.  People with this disorder have a grandiose sense of self characterised by a need for admiration and attention.

“They want to take center stage, they have the tendencies not to take responsibility for their actions and blame others. They exploit others to fulfil their own needs, lack genuine interest in the feelings of others, and struggle when receiving criticism or feedback,” he explains.

What causes the disorder? 

Narcissism is caused by varying factors ranging from genetics, observation and imitation, negative childhood experiences and the connection between the brain, behaviour and thinking.

“It is a personality issue that might have genetic root or environmental because of early childhood experience or foundational causes. People with this disorder have difficulty relating with others,” Mbugua notes. 

“They infrequently feel comfortable being vulnerable or recognising true emotions of others and even for themselves. The behaviour is often motivated by insecurity or internalised traumas,” he added.

Narcissism red flag

People with Narcissism Personality Disorder tend to make exaggerated self-appraisals. They tend to struggle to identify with the feelings and needs of the people around them. They are hypersensitive to criticism, and will respond by gaslighting or denying their faults.

“Being in a relationship with someone with a narcissist disorder will have you living on the edge and doubting yourself.  At the beginning of the relationship, the narcissist will often come on very strong, put you on a pedestal, and make you feel incredibly special,” he said.

Treating this disorder usually involves psychotherapy after a medical diagnosis. Mbugua advises one to see a doctor when it is persistent for some time and causing distress.

“If it causes distress to an individual and others, then this person needs to see a doctor but the critical thing is let the diagnosis to come from the profession,” he said.

He cautions people from unfairly labelling undiagnosed individuals as narcissist especially those who have hurt us.